Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
