I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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