Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
