You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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