summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
