Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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