I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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