I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize