I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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