I think I died a long time ago.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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