I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
