two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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