Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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