Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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