listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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