Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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