I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
