Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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