yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
