Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize