I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
