If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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