you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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