He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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