I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
