If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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