which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
