SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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