Betty ford says i'm here all night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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