My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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