Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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