New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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