im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
