I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
