Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
