we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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