I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
