he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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