I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
