Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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