Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
