WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
