My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
