Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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