You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
