He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
