I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you will always have a special place in my vag
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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