She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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