I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
