how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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