Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
