See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
