I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
