I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
