Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize