Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
