i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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