I think my vagina is haunted
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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