I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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