as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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