Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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