i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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