Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
