I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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