No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
