I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
