I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
did i walk over a car last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
