Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
