are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
