their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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