God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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