In the future we'll all be gay
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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