She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
