i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
