Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
