my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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