I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
