U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
