I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
