this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
