I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
